October DVD Reviews Part II

Crash (2005)
Dir: Paul Haggis
Starring: Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Jennifer Esposito, Thandie Newton, Sandra Bullock, Brendan Fraser, Ludicrous, Ryan Phillippe, Terrence Howard, Larenz Tate, William Fichtner, etc
IMDB: 8.5 (#59 on Top 250 of All-Time)

A good film, that gets a lot of props as "Best Film of the Year." Director Haggis is a veteran Hollywood writer, Oscar nominated for Million Dollar Baby. Crash is a study on racism, fear, aggression, and a lack of communication using multiple intersecting stoylines and characters, set in Los Angeles. There's the racist cop with a new partner harrassing rich black people, whose lives are thrown in turmoil by the incident. There's the street thugs who talk about not getting a fair shack in this world because of racism, then they car-jack someone, who happens to be the D.A. of L.A., whose wife is tramatized into paranoia by the incident. There's the Persian grocery store owner who's business is vandelized and so he tries to take revenge on the Latino locksmith that couldn't fix his broken door. And there's the black cop who's being used by his department as a figurehead of tolerence in a racist P.D., while dealing with a delinquint brother and an mother with Alzheimiers. It's a dense story because of the sheer size of the cast, but it moves fast, by really only focusing on aspects of the characters lives that pertain to their themes. There are some powerful scenes, most notably the scene where the locksmith and his child are confronted by the gun-wielding store-owner. This is probably the best shot, paced, written and most gut-wrenching scene from a film that I have ever seen. It is powerful and this movie should be seen for that moment alone, but the rest of Crash won't disappoint. My major complaint is that it's over too soon, and I wanted nmore from these characters. This would have made a great 5- hour mini-series. As it is, you get a lot of bang for your buck from this drama.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A


Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
Dir: Ridley Scott
Staring: Orlando Bloom, Liam Neeson, Eva Green, Jeremy Irons, David Thewlis, Brendan Gleeson, Edward Norton
IMDB: 6.9

A beatiful period piece, which scores on many levels, but is downright boring on others. The story is mostly set in Jerusalem, occupied for many years by European christians and currently led by Baldwin, the Leper King (Edward Norton under the mask!). The land is protected by knights like Sir Godfrey (Neeson), who journeys back to Europe to contact a son he's never known, a blacksmith named Balian (Bloom). Balian rejects Godfrey's offer to return with him to Jerusalem, but after killing a thieving priest, runs after daddy for protection from the law. Godfrey is mortally wounded soon after and Balian becomes the heir to his holdings and title. Balian is soon engulfed by the intrigues of the King's court in Jerusalem, as he is befriended by the King and Sir Tiberius (Irons), sleeps with the King's married sister Sibyllia (Green) and pisses off the apparent King-to-be Guy de Lusignan. The entire film so far is kind of boring and kind of stupid. Bloom sleepwalks through it, showing no emotion and barely offering any dialog, just sort of going frompoint A to B to C. There's a few small battles and they are well done.

But about this time, the film kicks into gear. King Baldwin dies and bad-guy Guy de Lusignan becomes the new King. He foolishly leads Jerusalem's army out to attack the Arab forces, led by the famous general Saladin. They are decinmated and all that stands between the Arabs re-taking Jerusalem are few knights led by Balian. What follows is an epic siege, which borrows heavily from the battle of the Pelinor Fields in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Heaven's battle is probably the 2nd best of all time (after RotK) and the films hits a new level of awesomness that wasn't even hinted at by the slow grind of the first half of the film.

Another great thing about Kingdom of Heaven is the costumes. How many films make you look up and say, "Damn, those are the sweetest medieval costumes and props I've ever seen!"? That plus the cinematography make this the most visually impressive film I've seen in 2005. Ridley Scott (Alien, Gladiator) is still the master at big intense blockbuster films. I hope there's some Oscars for that in Kingdom of Heaven's future. On the scale of recent historical epics, this is just under Troy, but above King Arthur and miles above Alexander.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B


Elf (2003)
Dir: John Favreau
Starring: Will Ferrell, James Cann, Bob Newhart, Edward Asner, Zooey Deschanel, Faizon Love, Andy Richter, Kyle Gass
IMDB: 7.0

Elf is pretty good. It's not great, but could become a Christma classic on the strength of the uncomplicated story, earnest performances, and a feel good ending. Ferrell is his usual manic self as Buddy, a human raised by elves in the North Pole. He relizes he doesn't fit in (sound like another wayward elf story you know?...an elf named HERMIE! perhaps?), so he journey's to New York to find his real dad, who never knew he was born. Dad (Cann) is a workaholic children's book publisher who doesn't have time for the family he's got, much less the strange addition of Buddy. The rest is basicly a fish-out-of-water story as Buddy comes to grips with New York living. Zooey Deschanel is adourable as Jovi, misfit department store clerk with a good signing voice who somehow starts to date Buddy. After this and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Zooey is fast becoming one of my favorite actresses. All this adds up to good stuf, and there's some hillarious midget humor, and who doesn't like midgets, eh?!? The soundtrack is also a solid Christmas album, and yall know how much I love Christmas Music!

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B

p.s. Here's a bonus pic featuring that midget!



Kicking and Screaming (2005)
Dir: Jesse Dylan
Starring: Will Ferrell, Robert Duvall, Mike Ditka, Kate Walsh
IMDB: 5.4
This movie sucks. There are a few laughs, but they fade quickly, and unlike Elf, Ferrell's antics seem forced and kind of sad. Also there are stupid plot lines, like Ferrell becomes addicted to coffee??? and starts behaving violently to the kids, it just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
This movie could have been about the kids, the soccer team, but they barely get screen-time. It's Farrell's bomb all the way. I won't say any more, because that's like pooping on poop.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: F

CPATION CONTEST #4!!!!

Here's Cookie and some Witches. That ain't a caption, just an explanation!

An LSU Win will make you do some Crazy Shit!

but coming out on national tv by kissing your dude/date? That's F$%#ed Up! I was jumping up and down at the time myself, and I saw this and yelled, "Hey, did you just see those two dudes kissing! HAHA!" I know it's not real clear in this picture, but it was definantly 2 guys.

The Unkillable Sneaky Cheetah survives Food Poisoning

My wife and I celebrated our 4 year annivrsary Saturday night with dinner at the Sweet Water Tavern in Sterling. It's a nice, busy place, we'd eaten there before and really enjoyed it. I ate the following:

Lobster Bisque and Jambalaya Pasta(Sauteed shrimp, chicken, andouille sausage, tomato, scallions & penne pasta in a spicy creole cream sauce)
I drank no alchohol.

At approximatly 3 am Sunday morning, I looked like this:

At least I got to lay in bed and watch football all Sunday, and I think I lost 10 lbs. in puke.

NO MORE SWEET WATER FOR ME!

LSU is UN-FREAKIN'-BELIEVABLE!!!

How many more times can they do it? Really I never doubted once that LSU wouldn't win this game. I didn't care that Bama was undefeated, or had the number one defense in the country. I even didn't care that they led 10-0 at the half. There was not a doubt in my mind that the Tigers wouldn't come back and win. It's exactly the kind of team they are. This has been the funnest season ever to watch LSU football, and if not for that damn Tennessee OT loss, where the awesome Tiger D just ran out of gas, LSU would be in the national title picture. It's not just the wins though, it's the way they win. In overtime. On the last play of the game. They get just enough to squeek bye, but they do it so often, you never doubt that they'll do it every game. If they played USC tommorrow, I'd say with all seriousness, LSU wins 20-17, in overtime. Let's hope CBS picks up that ol'Miss game next week, or I'll have a boring Saturday.

Thomas Hayden Church to Pound on Spidey!

News about the Spidey 3 movie that has been rumoured for months has been made official! Thomas Hayden Church (Wings, Sideways) will be The Sandman, one of the multiple villans in Spidey 3. Sandman can turn his body to sand, which seems lame, but wait till you see how he uses it! You Spidey fans know what I'm screamin'! Check out the picture! Comic Geeks around the world are pissing themselves with glee!

At Home DVD Reviews - October Part 1

Ahhh October. The month when I watched a shit-load of movies! No way I can fit all of these in one post, so we have a two-parter!

Ray (2004)
Director: Taylor Hackford
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Kerry Washington, Regina King, Clifton Powell, Harry J. Lennix, Bokeem Woodbine, Richard Schiff, Curtis Armstrong
IMDB: 7.9
















Truly one of the best films of 2004, and it deserves every bit of recognition it gets, plus more. Jamie Foxx's performance as Ray Charles should be considered one of the classic acting performances of all time. I know it's easier to hide an actor behind sunglasses but you really lose all sense that it's Jamie Foxx on screen, it's just Ray. Ray will tug your emotions all over the place, from the painful loss of Ray's little brother, to his gradual childhood loss of his sight, to constant discrimination as an adult. But through it all he's still a womanizing heroin junkie. A perfect role model he's not, but a genius, yes. If you weren't a fan of Charles' music before, you'll be won over. Really, you've got to see this. I can't describe how well this film succeeds. I think Ray deserved Best Picture last year, If you agree, let me hear an AMEN!

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A



Closer (2004)
Director: Mike Nichols
Starring: Natalie Portman, Clive Owen, Jude Law, Julia Roberts
IMDB: 7.4













I couldn't believe legendary director Mike Nichols did this film. He's like 73 years old. He directed the Graduate and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? , both top 250 films. And his genius is all over this film. Closer is a brutally honest look at love, infidelity, and regret. No one is truly innocent here. And as the film progresses, your perceptions of the characters will shift. Who's the victim? Who's the cheating bastard? They all are! All 4 of the stars are wonderful, especially Clive Owen. Roberts performance is subdued and seems to be real acting for a change. It's also cool hearing Roberts using some truly explicit language! And the Natalie Portman's stripper scene is hot (see above)! I heard she actually did some nudity, but old man Nichols decided to cut it out. It's still the bomb! Anyway, this movie is great. It'll also make you wonder who you're really talking too when someone instant messages you!

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A



12 Angry Men (1957)
Director: Sidney Lumet
Starring: Henry Fonda, Joseph Sweeney, Ed Begley, Jack Klugman, Martin Balsam, Jack Warden, John Fiedler, Lee J. Cobb, E.G. Marshall, Ed Binns, George Voskovec, Robert Webber
IMDB: 8.7 (#21 on Top 250 of All-Time)

A good classic. The entire film is set in a hot room with a table, 12 chairs and a broken fan. 12 jurors debate their verdict on a murder that we never see, only hear about through the juror's words. They start one vote short of a conviction, but Juror #8 (Fonda) isn't convinced. He proceeds to revisit every aspect of the case and win over other jurors, one by one. This is a great example of when less is more in filmmaking and storytelling, and you will never see films like this made again. To not show the murder in question? To not even reveal the juror's names? (They call each other Juror #2, or #8, etc.) It all rides on the performance of twelve great actors. As you can see by the IMDB ranking, it works, and is a fascinating, "don't want to stop watching" film. 12 Angry Men deserves it's Top 250 status.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A



Saw (2004)
Director: James Wan
Starring: Cary Elwes, Leigh Whannell, Danny Glover, Ken Leung, Dina Meyer, Michael Emmerson, Monica Potter
IMDB: 7.5















This is some seriously twisted shit. That's about all I have to say about that. It's not really a horror film, just a creepy/gross psych/thriller. There's a "surprise twist" that I didn't see coming, but that's probably been spoiled for you by now. There are some plot-holes, but the overall experience of this film is successful, you will be creeped out and more then a little disturbed. Co-written by the director Wan and star Whannell. I see a future for these guys. Not as good as Seven, but still pretty decent filmmaking for apparently Zero budget.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B+


More to Come Soon!

To Infinity.... AND BEYOND!!!!!

"Now Give Me Some Candy!

Actually, doesn't the Dominator look like Patsy, King Arthur's loyal, coconut-wielding squire from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

Nobody Acknowledges Silent Bob

I thought I had a decent enough Silent Bob costume going for Halloween, but I got zippy props for it. I think people just thought I was an overdressed flasher or some shit. C'MON PEOPLE! I grew a shitty beard for 2 weeks for this! Maybe I was in the wrong neighborhood. It seemed none of the parents around here were sporting costumes, even though they aren't much older then I. And I was trick or treating with 2 Buzz Lightyears, Batman and a Faerie Princess. WATCH A KEVIN SMITH MOVIE SOMETIME, PEOPLE!


p.s. my dramatic pose is MONEY!