Movie review - ALFIE

In celebrating my anniversary this weekend, my wife Alanna and I enjoyed an evening away from the Dominator. After lunch and shopping, we tried to decide on a movie. I begged and begged (I ain't to proud to beg!) to see the Incredibles or Team America: World Police. Alanna shot me down saying those weren't very anniversary-appropriate films. So, being on this "Jude Law is so frickin HOT" kick, she picked Alfie. This film is a remake of the 1966 Alfie starring Michael Caine, but since I never saw that one, I won't compare the two.

Alfie lives in New York, drives a limo, and lives to bang women. And life is good. Among his conquests are unhappy wife hottie Dorie (Jane Krakowski), single mom hottie Julie (Marissa Tomei), best friend's ex hottie Lonette (Nia Long), drug using bipolar hottie Nikki (Sienna Miller), and rich older hottie Liz (Susan Sarandon). Among others. He believes he's helping these women, making them feel wanted, treats them well, but breaks the relationships off before they become too serious. He's got a plan to buy the limo business he works for with best friend Marlon (Omar Epps). Things are going great. Then they start going bad. Really bad. Alfie's perfectly happy life just falls apart before our eyes. One of the women dumps him for a change, one gets knocked up, he breaks his own rules and gets serious with another, and he catches one cheating on him with a younger guy. He also tangles with penis erectile dysfunction and a possible cancerous lump on his dude. His business plan falls apart. His best friend moves away. What starts out as a fun sex romp becomes a total bummer of a film. There's one good surprise twist that I didn't see coming, but it's not enough to save the film. And the ending sucked. Everything's going to shit and then the movie's over. No redemption for Alfie, no happy ending.

One cool thing the filmmakers and Law pulled of is the "breaking of the third wall." Alfie looks into the camera and talks directly to the viewer. He basically nararates the entire movie, often breaking a scene with other characters to look at the audience, make some comment, then turn back to the scene. It takes a charismatic actor to pull this off, and Jude Law is nothing if not charismatic. And he's in EVERY shot of the movie. There's no breakaways to other actors or other places. It's all Alfie. The acting in the movie was good, but the dialogue was nothing new. No great words of wisdom or future catch phrases here. The film was directed by Charles Shyer of Father of the Bride I & II fame. It's well shot and well edited. The music is also excellent, done by Mick Jagger.

Overall this is a well made piece of crap. Direction, Acting, Cinematography, and Music all get A's and B's. The script gets a C-. IMDB.com users give it a 6.1 out of 10. Wait till it comes on HBO. Girls and wives will enjoy 2 hours of nothing but Jude Law, but that sort of thing just ain't my bag, baby.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: C