DVD Review - SHREK 2

I bought Shrek 2 more for my 2-year-old son then myself. He enjoys all computer animated movies while traditional animated shows just don't hold his attention (Sponge Bob being the exception). I enjoyed the first one, but didn't regard it as a modern comedy classic like most people.
The plot starts immediatly after the first film ended. Shrek (Mike Myers) and Fiona (Cameron Diaz), all green and "stout," return from their honeymoon and are invited to a kingdom far, far away to meet Fiona's parents. Insert script from "Meet the Parents." Along the way are Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas). Hijinks occur, Shrek and Fiona change to human (Donkey to a Stallion), and they're left with the decision whether to remain human or return to ogre. Similar moral choice as the first film. The biggest difference is Myer's Shrek doesn't seem to enjoy himself. In the first Shrek, he reveled in his Ogreness and was very funny, but here, even before abandoning said Ogreness comes into the plot, all he does is complain. The funniest parts are when minor characters from the first return to save the day including my favorite from Shrek 1, The Gingerbread Man (he even yells a good "not the gumb-drop buttons" in this movie also!). But my favorite in Shrek 2 was not Puss in Boots, as 99% of America will tell you, but Pinnochio. He steals every scene he's in. Also adding their vocal talents are John Cleese and Julie Andrews as the King and Queen, Jennifer Saunders as the antagonistic Fairy Godmother, and Rupert Everett as Prince Charming. Only Saunders gives a memorable performance, with Andrews giving no good lines and really nothing to do.
Shrek 2 was entertaining enough but is terribly overrated, especially when the DVD case proclaims it as "The #1 Comedy of All-Time!" Give me Pixar over this stuff any day.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B-

Music Review - COLLECTIVE SOUL - Youth

Let me explain one thing about me and Collective Soul. I love 'em. Absolutely my favorite band of all time. I like every song on every album they've ever done. Saw them live in 2000. So it was with great anticipation that I greeted their first album in 4 years, Youth. I hesitantly say I'm kinda disappointed. This is still great stuff. They write riff-based, 4 minute rock/pop gems. After just two listens, I had these songs stuck in my head and couldn't wait to get back into the car to listen again. That being said, Youth doesn't quite live up to Collective Soul's standards. Maybe it's because their last two albums, 1999's Dosage and 2000's Blender, are my two favorite Collective Soul albums. I guess I was expecting something along the same lines. While the sound and style is the same, certain aspect sound weak. The lyrics seem random and cobbled together. I don't listen for lyrics, so that's not huge for me, but it seems Ed Roland just mailed it in. Also missing are the ripping guitar solo's from Ross Childress who I consider a tone genius. There's one or two good leads, but from Collective Soul, I expect a little more. My last little complaint is that the best song on the album (Track 5, "Him") is only 2:30 long and sounds half finished. A little more work and this could have been a hit single, but it sounds like they gave up on the song. The lead single, "Counting the Days" is a good indicator of the style of the album. Other song highlights are "Home" (track 3) and "How Do You Love" (track 4). There's more rockers then ballads. Overall, I'm satisfiedwith this album. It's definantly one of the best of 2004, in my opinion. It just doesn't surpass Collective Soul's previous strong efforts.

Sneaky Cheetah Update! - 12/20/04 - I just discovered that Collective Soul lead guitarist Ross Childress left the band before the recording of Youth. He was replaced by Collective Soul's guitar tech Joel Kosche. No wonder there are no killer solos. Damn.

The Sneaky Cheetah's grade: A-

Music Review - GREEN DAY - American Idiot

I was reluctant to by this CD when it was first released. I've been a big Green Day fan for years, have all their CD's, and seen them live once in '94 in New Orleans. But their music was starting to get repetative. And they knew it. They had to go into the studio and expand their songwriting from the standard pop/punk they pioneered in the mid 90's. "American Idiot" is the result and it suceeds on every level. While the opening track (Amercian Idiot) and first single seems like pretty standard Green Day fare, it all changes from there. This album has been described as a rock opera, about the fall of a loser named Jimmy. I 'don't pay attention to lyrics much, so whatever. What I do here are songs that only resemble the Green Day of old in the tone of the vocals. Songs like "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "Are We Waiting" are basically simple in arrangements and structure, but seem fresh and new coming from Billy Joe, Mike Dirnt and Tre Cool (the best name in music today). Even these songs are dwarfed by the sprawling "Jesus of Suburbia," a nine minute musical assault in 5 movements. I rank this CD as Green Days second masterpiece. While it won't have the influence of 1994's "Dookie, " it's the most ambitious and rewarding work Green Day's ever done.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A+

B.A.M.

In an effort to increase my income and speed along the process of buying an insanely expensive townhouse, I've taken a second job at Books A Million. I've always wanted to work in a bookstore and needed a low-stress, close-to-home night job. So far so good, and I get 30% off all books! I'm gonna abuse that privledge, so expect books for Christmas! kidding. NOT!

Future Home - Charleston, SC

Just got back from my second foray into freelance videography, the Miss South Carolina USA Pageant. It was held in Charleston and I fell in love with that city. It's an old city, very New Orleans-like. But without the ever-present piss smell (editor's note: To learn how a city gains a "piss-smell" read the previous post "One Hell of a Weekend in LA"). It's got history, ghost stories, an aircraft carrier, and an awesome hybrid downtown. By this I mean old look and feel, but then you'll see a Gap on the bottom floor of an old 6 story brownstone. You have to see it to get it. But it was instantly alluring. And we ate dinner at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Shack. I sat under the actual white suit from Forrest Gump. A very unique experience.
The weekend is a blur. Lack of sleep, cramped plane ride, Embassy Suits (the official hotel chain of The Sneaky Cheetah), Hooters, cute Israeli girl demonstrating head massaging thing, beer, and interviewing 145 of South Carolina's hottest 15-26 year old women. I've also discovered I've still got game. Let me explain.
Our video crew included 3 guys, one 40 years old, one 35 and me, 28. All married. But c'mon, it's impossible to not start flirting backstage at this thing. The ratio is 145 women to 6 men and two of those were gay (the host and the choreographer, of course)! It was frustrating at first because instead of knocking out these interviews (we try to interview all the girls for a customized official Miss SC DVD that they sell), B and T (40 and 35) were just flirting with 17 year old hotties. I was professional. My game was turned off. I began to wonder if I still had game at all anymore. I just celebrated my 3rd anniversary and Alanna and I were together for 5 years before that. My game was dusty and neglected. Like that cool shirt in the back off my closet that I won't throw away 'cause I swear I'll fit it again someday. So after we finished the interviews, we had a few hours before the show started. Hanging backstage, I began chatting with a few of the babes. And it came back! GAME! I was witty. I was funny. I'm overweight and my once signature cool hair is horribly thin now. But these girls were flirting with me. A few at a time, too! OK, they were under 21. So what. It felt good. Nothing was gonna come of it. Just harmless flirting. But I've still got a little game, and I'll keep it tucked away in a cozy, cool place. But I know it's there. g'night little game. g'night cheetah.

Movie review - ALFIE

In celebrating my anniversary this weekend, my wife Alanna and I enjoyed an evening away from the Dominator. After lunch and shopping, we tried to decide on a movie. I begged and begged (I ain't to proud to beg!) to see the Incredibles or Team America: World Police. Alanna shot me down saying those weren't very anniversary-appropriate films. So, being on this "Jude Law is so frickin HOT" kick, she picked Alfie. This film is a remake of the 1966 Alfie starring Michael Caine, but since I never saw that one, I won't compare the two.

Alfie lives in New York, drives a limo, and lives to bang women. And life is good. Among his conquests are unhappy wife hottie Dorie (Jane Krakowski), single mom hottie Julie (Marissa Tomei), best friend's ex hottie Lonette (Nia Long), drug using bipolar hottie Nikki (Sienna Miller), and rich older hottie Liz (Susan Sarandon). Among others. He believes he's helping these women, making them feel wanted, treats them well, but breaks the relationships off before they become too serious. He's got a plan to buy the limo business he works for with best friend Marlon (Omar Epps). Things are going great. Then they start going bad. Really bad. Alfie's perfectly happy life just falls apart before our eyes. One of the women dumps him for a change, one gets knocked up, he breaks his own rules and gets serious with another, and he catches one cheating on him with a younger guy. He also tangles with penis erectile dysfunction and a possible cancerous lump on his dude. His business plan falls apart. His best friend moves away. What starts out as a fun sex romp becomes a total bummer of a film. There's one good surprise twist that I didn't see coming, but it's not enough to save the film. And the ending sucked. Everything's going to shit and then the movie's over. No redemption for Alfie, no happy ending.

One cool thing the filmmakers and Law pulled of is the "breaking of the third wall." Alfie looks into the camera and talks directly to the viewer. He basically nararates the entire movie, often breaking a scene with other characters to look at the audience, make some comment, then turn back to the scene. It takes a charismatic actor to pull this off, and Jude Law is nothing if not charismatic. And he's in EVERY shot of the movie. There's no breakaways to other actors or other places. It's all Alfie. The acting in the movie was good, but the dialogue was nothing new. No great words of wisdom or future catch phrases here. The film was directed by Charles Shyer of Father of the Bride I & II fame. It's well shot and well edited. The music is also excellent, done by Mick Jagger.

Overall this is a well made piece of crap. Direction, Acting, Cinematography, and Music all get A's and B's. The script gets a C-. IMDB.com users give it a 6.1 out of 10. Wait till it comes on HBO. Girls and wives will enjoy 2 hours of nothing but Jude Law, but that sort of thing just ain't my bag, baby.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: C

One Hell of a Weekend in LA

After 5 months of the Mid Atlantic, I returned to South Louisiana to celebrate the wedding of my sister Vicki and my friend Neil. This was by far the most fun I've had since the Cheetah Sneaks rocked Downtown Alive! (in May!) I was really stressed as I waited in Dulles airport to fly down to New Orleans. I don't know why exactly, I was just really nervous and stressed out. The flight was uneventful except when Dominic decided since he was in a plane, he would drop some bombs. Twice. One highlight was getting some good ol' Cajun home cooking. Red Beans and Sausage, Shrimp and Andouille Gumbo, Boudin, Jambalaya, I had it all that weekend. But the first 2 days down were just a buildup for the 3rd night: The Bachelor Party.

Neil's Bachelor party was about three things: Beer, Yelling, and Pissing. 20 guys rode a trolley around Lafayette for 4 hours and drank three icechests of beer, yelled at every ho on the street, and baptized various streets, walls, dumpsters, and cars with gallons of recycled beer. Some highlights include drinking beer, yelling at ho's and peeing a lot. It was interesting when that skank jumped on the trolley and said "Why am I the only girl here?" To which 2 guys simultaneously exclaimed "Because you're stupid, bitch!" And two other unsuspecting and not quite as skanky ho's jumped on board at the strip. We drove away then when we stopped to piss at the parking garage downtown, they escaped. As far as the pissing, we hit cars, a jeep, some walls, the street, a fence, dumpsters, a pile of bricks, not to mention some urinals, a sink, and a garbage can. And that's all I saw. We should have known all this free peeing would get us in trouble, we just didn't think it would be Mike who got busted. After leaving the one bar we stopped at and walking about 40 feet, Mike decided to loose the hounds one more time behind a dumpster. He was spotted by one of Lafayette's finest, who immediately called for backup. 3 officers later mike got a public indecency ticket (or maybe littering?) and the trolley rolled on. There was the unwise trip to Simco, singing along to Cheetah Sneak classics and the night finally culminated with Cookie pulling a spider monkey. I won't explain what that is. You had to be there.

The only thing missing was a lack of strippers and female nudity, but I'd trade that for any chance to hang out with Brandon, Cookie, Neil, and Rob. We could have sat at a table in Bob's Pube all night and I would have been happy.

The wedding was just as fun. Good ceremony, except for a rambling, uncomprehensible sermon by the JotP. After walking out to the sound of "Let's Get it On," the party started. Vicki looked beautiful, the building was full, the drinks were flowing. We danced, we sang, we toasted, we partied. All my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins were there (except for the two "black sheep" of the families.) Dominic tore up the dance floor with his 3 cousins. Dad did the freeze! Little Dave got plastered. Brady forgot his coat. Some single people hooked up with some other single people (allegedly!). It was a classic Southern Wedding.

It was with great regret that I returned to Virginia, Sunday. Louisiana may be an economic turd, but it's home. And it's not just the presence of family and friends, though that is a huge part of it. It's driving roads that I've driven since I was sixteen. Going to the mall I spent so much time at eleven years ago. Eating at the restaurant my wife and I had one of our first dates at. Knowing where to get the best boudin in the world from. Walking into a bar downtown and seeing someone i used to work with 5 years ago. Tailgating before a college football game, knowing half the people outside the stadium won't even go in the stadium. Opening the newspaper and seeing stories about the Saints. Cruising through my hometown and seeing houses covered in toilet paper, knowing I was doing the same thing at the same time to the same houses when I was a high school senior. That's Louisiana for me. That's home.