DVD Review - VAN HELSING

I had some reservations about buying Van Helsing. I'd heard lots of bad reviews (it's got a 5.3 user rating on IMDB) and frankly I didn't want a retelling of the Dracula, Frankenstein, and Wolfman mythos. They're great stories, classics, archtypes, and I don't want them blended into one plotline (except for in The Monster Squad, 1987). But everytime I saw something I didn't like about this film, something else pulled me back in.

First the negative. It's a CG orgy. I thing there's some CG on virtually every shot. I understand using CG on wolfman, Dracula's brides, and the gone-to-soon Dr. Jeckell. But everytime Van Helsing and friends performed anything resembling a stunt, the film turned into a videogame. This is what ruined Matrix Reloaded and Revolution. Van Helsing swings from a rope, he's CG, he does a backflip, he's CG, he stands around looking grim and utters some horrible dialogue, he's CG (well, almost). Was the stuntman union on strike when they filmed this? There's also way to much "swinging on a rope/chain" going on here. I need to go back and count, but it must happen more in Van Helsing then in Batman and Spider-man combined. And of course, it's all CG. The dialogue is also VERY weak. Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) and Anna (Kate Beckinsale) have virtually nothing good to say to each other. And when they do interact it's line's like "Nothing's faster then Transylvanian Horses, not even Werewolves." Five minutes later the Wolfman catches up to them. The actor portraying Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) is weak. And after an incredible introduction during the black-and-white opening of the movie, Frankenstein's Monster turns into a bible-quoting wimp. Also there are some unresolved plot holes regarding Van Helsing's past (which he doesn't remember ala Wolverine and his past relationship with Dracula). On to the good stuff.

The story works. It makes sense. Van Helsing as a supernatural-evil-batteling-007 employed by the Vatican is a good story, especially in light of popular liturature like Angels & Demons, and The DaVinci Code. He takes out Dr. Jeckell in the best action sequence in the film. He uses high tech (for the turn of the century) gadgets and has a "Q" (David Wenham as Carl "I'm still only a friar!") The story goes like this: Dracula is funding Dr. Frankenstein's experimants to create life in order to re-animate his children (which are born dead since, well, he's undead. Makes sense, see?) Franky creates his monster, then is killed by Dracula. Igor turns out to be Dracula's pawn. The Monster wakes up, does something really cool to Drac, and flees from a mob of torch wielding peasents with the body of his father. They corner him in the windmill and burn it down. All of this is in black and white and is absolutely beautiful. Cut to one year later, Van Helsing is sent to stop Drac from killing Anna, the last of a line of Gypsy Royalty whose family swore to stop Drac. And let me state here that Kate Beckinsale is the most stunning woman in film today (cheesy Transylvanian accent aside). I fell in love with her in Serendipity (2001) and Pearl Harbor (2001) and she looks damn good in tight pants and some knee high boots with very high heels. They fight Wolfman (Drac's servant), his three Brides (super hot whore-vampires), and some unexplained wierd gas mask wearing trolls. It's good, fun stuff.

But the best aspect of this film is the music. It is scored by Alan Silvestri (just look up his impressive resume`). There's this theme whenever Van Helsing rides/runs off somewhere with some thundering drums and a driving classical guitar line. It's still stuck in my head. The score elevates every scene of the movie. Truly a masterful and award deserving job by Mr. Silvestri.

Van Helsing was directed by Stephen Sommers (The Mummy movies) and feels just as fun as those. He's a good director that could be great if he wouldn't depend on the damn CG so much. Rent it, buy it, enjoy it for what it is. A monster movie. It ain't Shakespeare folks.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B-