Justin's Dick in a Box

This is the funniest thing SNL has done in years!

http://thesuperficial.com/2006/12/justin_timberlake_wants_to_giv.html

Collective Soul Rocks Fairfax!

*Originally Published June 10, 2006 on Myspace*

So with the countdown to babies at about 3 weeks I need to jump on anything I want to do that doesn't involve playgrounds, doctor's offices or the wiggles, and lo and behold, Collective Soul was coming to the Celibrate Fairfax Festival Friday night, about 7 miles from my dojo. Alanna had to sit this one out, so I mobilized a group of about 7 co-workers and friends to party with, only to have them, one by one, drop out with some good excuses (my boyfriends dad's having surgery!) and some lame (I gotta work out). So I was Han Solo last night but that's ok, 'cause I'm a loner Pee-Wee....a rebel.

Got to the stage about 30 minutes before the show and got soaked by a 10 minute downpoor, which stopped right as CS took the stage. My second time seeing them (last time in St. Martinville, LA in 2001), and let me tell you, they are a great live band. They are faithful to their songs, but also throw in some timely crowd participation and not-too-long extended jams. They could only play until the fireworks show started so they got down to business right away and pummeled my ears for 75 minutes with a somewhat predictable (to a die-hard CS fan like moi) set. All the hits were there.

"Counting the Days," "How do You Love," and "Better Now" from their last album, 2004's Youth.

"Why pt.2" from 2000's Blender, (wish there was more from this album because it rocks!)

"Heavy" and "Run" from 1999's Dosage (My favorite CS album)

"Listen" and "Precious Declaration" from 1997's Disciplined Breakdown

"December," "Gel," and "The World I Know" from their self titled "blue Album', 1995

And closed it all out with "an old spiritual" : "Shine" from their 1993 debut.

They also threw in 2 solid new songs from their soon to be released new album.

I was about 3 bodies back from the stage and was taller then anyone in front of me so had a spectacular view. It was an "A" performance, the only drawback was I know they usually play longer shows, with some more obscure album tracks, but as soon as Shine ended, the fireworks began and that was that.

P.S. - Also, if you've never been to Celibrate Fairfax, it goes down in my book as the best executed festival I've ever seen. It's 5 or so city blocks square, all blocked to traffic, well organized, well policed, lots of parking in walking distance and overflow parking with shuttle rides, no lines at the pot 'o golds, $4 beers in a BIG cup, a massive "food court", multiple "Chicken-on-a-stick" vendors, seperate areas for children's rides and adult rides, and 4 stages with at least 2 bands performing at all times. Well done Fairfax. Well done.

P.P.S. - I saw a WUSA channel 9 booth (the compitition), so I investigated and spotted their sasquatch-like morning weather girl, kind of like the body of a NFL tight-end with Jay Leno's face. Always a topic of speculation with my morning crew, I walked right next to her to get some perspective and she is taller then me and our shoulders are very close in broadness.That's a lotta woman!

Film Review: X-Men: The Last Stand

I'll try to keep this spoiler free.

X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Directed by Brett Ratner

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Famke Janssen, Anna Paquin, Kelsey Grammer, James Marsden, Rebecca Romijn, Vinnie Jones, Ellen Page, Sean Ashmore, & Aaron Stanford

IMDB rating: 7.0


I had to split my mind into two points of view for this film. One is the lifelong X-men fan (ie. Comic Geek) who's been reading X-Men comics since the mid 80's to present. The other is a film buff looking for an entertaining couple of hours in a theater. The second guy enjoyed the action, a couple of surprise twists, and a few great performances by a few great actors. The first guy was ENRAGED by the casual slaughtering of mainstay X-Men (One of whom is killed OFF SCREEN, with barely a reaction from his fellow X-Men!), and actually groaned out loud at the cheesy one-liners tossed off by Wolverine and co.

The filmmakers took the wrong direction with the x-men from the start of the first film. Instead of using source material from the plethora of legendary writers at Marvel Comics, they just use the names and likeness of these characters and go about writing whatever haphazard crap they can cram into 2 and a half hours, disregarding anything done with the x-men before, and virtually killing all hope of this being more than a trilogy. (I know, I know, I stayed after the credits and saw the secret clip at the end. Another X-men film would still be crappy!)

(Take a deep breath)... ok.

There are a few nice moments here, especially with Juggernaut (Vinnie Jones) and Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page) who both steal all the scenes they're in, and have a fantastic race through a building at the end of the film. Ian McKellen is also brilliant as Magneto, and he nails the nuances of Magneto's seemingly contradictory motivation. Kelsey Grammer's Beast is wonderful, and I do like Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, but his lines seemed to have been written by former James Bond writers. Average performances by Patrick Stewart (Prof X) and Famke Janssen (Jean Grey)and plain ol bad acting from Halle Berry (Storm) don't help. And Rogue, Iceman, Colossus, and Angel are barely there. Blink and you'll miss them.

A big deal was made over the departure of X1 and 2 director Bryan Singer (who's off making Superman) and his replacement with Rush Hour director Brett Ratnor. Ratnor did a fine job. The action, ambition, and scope of this film outdoes anything in X1 or 2, and I blame witers for making me hate parts of this. But this does work better if taken as a trilogy, and as such, this is a great "ending," wrapping up plotlines and dealing with almost all characters (some permantly, but where the hell is Nightcralwer?!?)

So expect the disappointment if you're an X-fan, or go enjoy yourself if it's only a movie to you.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade = B-

Fuck, That's a Big Shark!

Got this from iwatchstuff.com.

The makers of Meg, the upcoming film about the hunt for an 80-foot-long, 100,000 pound Megalodon shark, are hoping to create some more buzz for the flick, possibly increasing the funding, by releasing some more concept art. The rather creative concept to this piece is: There's this really fucking huge shark, and it's like attacking this boat or something (note: boat should have some kind of robot arm in the back), and this chick is like, "Shit, this 80-foot-long, 100,000 pound shark is trying to eat me," and this dude is like, "I'll try to save you, but fuck, that's a big shark."

My Newfound Softball Career!

The Following was originally published on MySpace in May, 2006

Click here to see the WJLA/Newschanel 8 76'ers!

I finally don't work weekends for the first time in 5 years so I decided to join our company softball team, the WJLA 7/Newschannel 8 '78ers. We play in the DC media League which has 20 something teams, like ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox News, CNN, AOL, Washington Post and many others. Little did I know I can smash a softball!
In game 1 vs. WTTG Fox 5, I was called in to pinch hit in the bottom of the 7th (we play 7 innings) with two out. I slapped one in to short center for a hit. Next batter struck out and we lost 8-4.

My strong hit resulted in a DH spot for game two vs WRC NBC 4. I hit the ball hard twice, but they landed right in the right and center fielders glove for 2 fly outs. I was then removed for a pinch hitter and we lost 11-6.
So today arrived and I took some BP at first, since my blazing lack of speed limits my range in the outfield. Only problem is we have two first basemen already who have both been playing for years. Oh, well.... I'll just be the Big Hurt and DH.

Game one vs. ABC News. I batted cleanup as the DH. I came up with a runner on second and smacked a double to center, scoring the run. I had a hard slide into second to get that double, probably my first slide into a base in 17 years. I did it like a pro though. Next batter hit a grounder to short, i waited on the ball and when the shortstop booted it, I took off in a mad dash to third. They made a play for me, but another super slide got me in safe. I was sucking major wind now, just getting to third, but then our next batter singled and I scored easily. When I got to the bench, someone said my slide at second was "awesome." I don't know if it was sarcastic or not, but I'll take a compliment. Next time up, i reached for a low pitch and muscled it over the shortstop's head for a single, but was stranded at first. Third time up, I hit a hot grounder up the middle for a single, then was removed for a pinch runner ,Ken Shaver, who's probably the fastest guy on the team. He eventuall scored and later scored the winning run in a 16-15 nailbitter.

Game 2. vs CBS News. We have 21 players on the team so we pretty much play two entirely different lineups for games 1 & 2. I was called on to be the first-base coach and we won 13-8.
I'm sitting here bloody, bruised and more sore then I've been since playing high school football. But the teams 2-2 and I'm batting .667 with a double, 3 singels, and RBI and 2 Runs.



I'm the BIG HURT.....RUUURRRRRRRRRR!

Dry Dock

Hahahahahahaha

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dry+dock

Sneaky Tunes - Winter 05-06

I was inspired to write this today by loyal Sneaky Cheetah reader Nook, who sent me an e-mail pimping this band People in Planes. So click there to hear People in Planes and here's MY favorite songs of the Winter of 05-06.

1. "Perfect Situation" - Weezer

2. "Check on It" - Beyonce

3. "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield
4. "Shake That" - Eminem
5. "Just Stop" - Disturbed
6. "Dare" - Gorillaz
7. "The Suffering" - Coheed and Cambria
8. "Wings of a Butterfly" - him
9. "Don't Bother" - Shakira
10. "Bom Bom Bom" - Living Things

If you have any opinions, leave a comment. Stay a while. Make yourself comfy. I won't bite....hard!

Peanut Butter Federline!

If you read the Superficial, you know that K-Fed (Kevin Federline) is about the easiest joke in show business. It all started with THIS: his sneak peak of his hot new track, "PopoZau" which he describes as a "Brazillian Ass-Shaker."

If that wasn't hilarious enough, people way funnier then me have created an entire world of K-Fed Jammin to ...... (fill in the blank).

K-Fed jams to Good Vibrations

K-Fed Jams to Ice Ice Baby

K-Fed jams to Hot For Teacher

K-Fed jams to We Like to Party (The Astro-World Song)

K-Fed jams to I Touch Myself sung by a boys choir!

And the all-time Best:

K-Fed jams to Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

ENJOY!

New Spidey Suit?

Here's a poster shot from the upcoming Spidey 3. Is it a black & white shot? or could it be the infamous black spidey suit? (Which rocked!) Which would also mean....Venom?

Why I love L.A.

Vic sent me this and it got me all excited about my upcoming visit to Louisiana.

YOU MIGHT BE FROM LOUISIANA IF...........

1. You've ever wore shorts at Christmas time.
2. You pronounce Lafayette as "Laffy-ette" not "La-fy-ette".
3. Yo! u learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car.
4. You know the meaning of a "Delcambre Reeboks" (that would be a pair of all white fishing boots).
5. You offer somebody a "coke" and then ask them what kind: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, 7Up?
6. You can name all of your 3rd cousins.
7. You plan your vacation around hunting season & LSU football.
8. You greet people with "Ha's ya momma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
9. Every so often, you have waterfront property.
10. When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown","backatown", riverside", "lakeside! ", "northshore", "westbank! ", "down the bayou" or "cross the river".
11. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North," you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold!"
12. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
13. You've ever had Community Coffee.
14. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it (also, Thibodaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya).
15. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
16. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen) You Got dat rite.
17. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad.
18. You know the definition of "dressed."
19. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
20. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
21. You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
22. You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something."
23. You go by "ya-mom-en-'dems" on Good Friday for family supper.
24. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
25. You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
26. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
27. You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers)
28. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
29. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. (Geaux Zephyrs).
30. You have a ditch on at least one side of your property.
31! . You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
32. You describe a color as "K&B Purple."
33. You like your rice and politics dirty.
34. When given the choice for Governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it's a difficult decision.
35. You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Newawlins."
36. You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
37. You prefer skiing on the bayou.
38. You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
39. You realize the rain forest is less humid than Louisiana.
40. You can list all the ingredient's of a gumbo or a jambalaya.
41. You go to the "boat", but you don't plan on spending any time over water.
42. When you're in Baton Rouge you know the difference between the old bridge & the new bridge.
43. If you ever had to wait for the bridge to "come down" so you can get home.
44. If you pull for the Saints (who else would)?
45. If you've ever been to a wedding and someone either danced in a #3 washtub or with a broom! and this was considered normal.
46. You make your groceries, or, wash your dishes,or, have an icebox, or have a hosepipe.
47. You can't think of anybody that can cook better than your momma.
48. You know when it's appropriate to use "Tony Chachere's" (anytime!!!!).
49. You know an old person that can "treat" you for warts.
50. The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.

Pooper Bowl XL - More of the same ol crap

Ok, here's my takes on the Super Bowl.

The Game
An okay game, more of a chess match then a wide open offensive slugfest. The Seahawks blew it. I don't want to take away from Pittsburgs accomplishment, but Seattle created all the oppurtunities, but couldn't capatalize. Pittsburg won on three big plays (Rothlisberger scrambles and completes to Ward to the 1 yard line, Fast Willie Parkers 75 yard rumble, and the most beautiful reverse pass ever executed). Besides that, they did zippy. And yes, the refs blew some calls (DJackson's push-off to call back a TD, Rothlisberger's TD, the phantom holding call in the 4th quarter), almost entirely against Seattle, but they played well enough to win despite bad calls. But they blew it, and it's gotta go on the coaches. They couldn't run a two minute offense, TWICE! So hooray for Black and Gold, for Cowher, and for Bettis. It was a good game, but a great story.

The Entertainment
HALF-TIME: God, this was painful. Yes, the NFL blew it by invinting the Stones instead of a Monster Mowtown Love-fest. And the Stone flat-out SUCKED! A bunch of Friggin' skeletons shambling around playing their 40 year old songs, led by a 60+ year old bag of bones in a belly shirt. Seemd like Keith Richard could still hold down the rhythm guitar chores, but Ron Wood played some sorry-ass solos. And way to go not showing any close ups of the mysterious Stones bassist (Bill Wyman's replacement. By the way, he was black!) Their weakest link was Mick himself, who couldn't raise his vocals above the band, regulerly looked lost in the songs, and finally decided to focus on prancing around and grunting. Paul McCartney is just as old, but he KILLED during last years half-time.

PRE-GAME SHOW: Stevie Wonder's all star jam was just confusing. Too many people trying to sing, to many clipped microphones, too many snipetts of songs crammed into 10 minutes. It was a major FusterCluck. I guess everyone sounded fine, but it was far from impressive. And Joss Stone looked like the whitest of white chicks on that stage.

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM: I love the concept. Love Dr. John and Aaron Neville. Aretha's got pipes (and looks like she dropped some lbs.) But it just wasn't together. First the sound crew took about 10 seconds to get Neville's mic up to level which seemed like an eternity. Then the choir started grooving with Aretha, and I kinda listened with a confused look on my face. It was ok, but I want a NATIONAL ANTHEM. Not this nouveaux soul interpretation crap. I want to be inspired, like Whitney Houston in 92 (or was it 93?). This didn't do it for me. A former military man I was watching the game with called it "disgraceful."

The Commercials
Not a lot of blockbusters, but here's my top 5:
5. Fed Ex Caveman. nuff said!
4. Bud Light. MAGIC FRIDGE! MAGIC FRIDGE!
3. Michalobe, the hot chick playing flag-football. "I'm Open!" SMASH! "You were open, but NOW YOUR CLOSED!"
2. Careerbuilder.com - Chimps running wild in the office, lighting stoogies with dollas!
1. The Cell phone guys in the lockeroom, with the theft deturrant phone. HILLARIOUS!!!

Overall a below average night. But Super Bowls are like sex. Even when it's not real good, it's still SEX!

Hollywood is out of touch with America

And it show by looking at the films that The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences decided to grace with a nomination last week. It's probably the weakest Best Picture field in memory, and the most obscure. Only one picture from traditional Hollywood-style studios (Munich), one that debuted in the 2004 film festivals that has made the most of word of mouth dvd referals (Crash), two small picks just seeing wide release this week (Capote and Good Night and Good Luck) and of course, the unstoppable 800 pound gorilla know to most of America as "That Gay Cowboy Movie" (Brokeback Mountain). Is the Academy so hard up for films that they can't see genius in a good blockbuster that the average film go-er actually loves to watch? I watch more films than most people (mostly on DVD, blame my kid and 3am wake up call to go to work) and I've only seen Crash. I'll see Munich and MAYBE Good Night and Good Luck, but really have no desire to spend valuable time on Brokeback or Capote. It's not the gay angle, well who'm I kidding, it is the gay angle. But people are reacting to Brokeback, Capote, and Transamerica like this is the year gay cinema stands up! Only no one is seeing these films. And it's ludicrous to think great "gay" themed films haven't been made before. I hate to agree with uber conservative radio and tv hacks, but it seems that the Hollywood Academy and Media writers are lashing out at the conservative political arena of the country now. The spotlight on issue films like the gay issue, terrorism (Munich, Syriana), and political wrong doings (Good Night..) is Hollywood's way of sticking it to our leaders, yelling "this is reflects America! We're pro homosexual, anti-war and anti-government! So bite me!" Well, it's not reflective of America. It's reflective of hyper liberal hollywood system and the egotistical self importance of Actors, Directors, and Studio BigShots.

None of the Best Pictures are gonna top 100 mil at the box office. And because of these shitty noms, some great films that people actually enjoyed watching are getting stiffed. It's not these films that I'm calling shitty, just their nominations. To be fair, I'll try to see these films and If I like them I'll tell ya, but give me Sin City, King Kong, Cinderella Man, Harry Potter IV, and the 40 year old Virgin anyday over these 5.

What's good on TV?

I got a DVR just in time for the fall TV season last year, and I can't imagine living without it now. I had pretty much given up on network prime time TV and didn't watch anything consistantly. That's changed. Here's my favorite shows on the air now. First, noticed I've abandoned all reality TV, even my old favorites Survivor and American Idol. I've tried some other shows (Surface, Commander-In-Chief), but if I'm not hooked within a few episodes, I bail. Here's my top 9.*

9. Saturday Night Live
NBC Saturday 11:30
It's not really funny anymore, and the new cast seems to have no breakout stars, but the musical guests have been strong (Korn was awesome and I'm now a Shakira fan after her performance) and you never know when that one hilarious sketch could happen.


8.The Family Guy
FOX Sunday 9:00

Some truly ludicrous humor and way WAY inside jokes make this a must see, plus I can fool my 3 year old son who into thinking we're watching one of HIS cartoons.







7. C.S.I.
CBS Thursday 9:00
It's not what it used to be; all those gruesome deaths were gonna get old eventually, but it's still better than most of the other crap on. And it's production and editing remain at the top of all tv shows.









6. Scrubs
NBC Tuesday 9:00

This show is so damn wacky, like a live action Family Guy, It probably has some of the most original comedy out there. The season premier had a 3minute dream sequence Kung-Fu battle, and someone sang "The Safety Dance." I think I just described a perfect comedy.












5. My Name is Earl
NBC, Thursday 9:00

Another new show that's unlike anything before it. Jason Lee's always been a fav since Mallrats (which also featured Ethan Suplee "It's a Sailboat!") It doesn't just make fun of poor white trash, it makes poor white trash seem fun!

4. Grey's Anatomy
ABC Sunday 10:00

The one show my wife and I always watch together. This is probably the best ensemble cast on television. It's smart, funny, sexy. What else so you want from a hospital show?








3. Lost
ABC Wednesday 8:00

Season one of Lost was probably the single greatest season of any television program ever. How can you follow that up? Of course it's not quite as good, and the pacing of the show is slowing down, but the last 10 minutes of a Lost episode is the most exciting 10 minutes on TV.






2. How I Met Your Mother
CBS Monday 8:30

I really hope this comedy becomes the next big hit. A great ensemble, but Doogie Howser steals every scene he's in. The humor ranges from hilarious to hopelessly romantic. It's really a comedy for my generaion. And the dialog is so witty that you'll be writing it down to use as your own the next day at work.





1. The Office
NBC Thursday 9:30

I look forward to this show every week more than any other, hence it's number one ranking. Steve Carrell won a best actor Golden Globe this year and as good as he is, the cast of unknowns and " mockumentary" style really make this show work. I laugh out loud during the Office, and sometimes watch the episodes twice. That's how good this show is.





* So what if I only picked a top 9, It's my blog Dammit!

Movie Review - KING KONG

King Kong (2005)
Director: Peter Jackson
Starring: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody, Thomas Kretschmann, Colin Hanks, Andy Serkis
IMDB: 7.8

Had the rare opportunity to see a film in theaters last weekend, and I had my sights locked on seeing Kong. Then my wife starts talking about Brokeback Mountain. I laughed and said " Sure, we can see Brokeback.....and monkey's might fly outta my butt!" Then she got mad cause she was serious. She wanted to see a love story. I said, "Gods woman, King Kong is one of the greatest love stories ever written!" She didn't believe me. She'd never see the original 1933 Kong or the 1976 remake (Which I am more familiar with). I somehow convinced her and off we were to see Peter Jackson's next masterpiece.

This isn't a perfect film, like his Lord of the Rings were. There are some holes, some gliches, some head-scratches, and maybe some Z's from people who can't sit through 3 hours. But for the most part, King Kong succeeds where it should. It's a larger then life, edge of your seat thrill ride, that brings back the wonder of seeing things that have NEVER been done in movies before.

The film is written in three acts: The journey to Skull Island, The quest to save Ann from Kong, and Kong takes Manhatten. Act one is great filmmaking, a slow building pot-boiler of a mystery. Act two is balls to the walls insanity, interspaced with the "getting to know your Kong" moments. And Act Three is the rightous moral and futile battle for life and love. Yeah, it's too long. But there's not a lot I would cut out, and there's a few scenes I wanted to see that weren't there. This film could have easily been sliced into halves like Kill Bill, and would have probably rocked even more.

The cast is good. Naomi Watts steals the show, showing great range and a knack for physical comedy. Adrien Brody also makes the most of playing second fiddle to the big gorilla. I'm not sold on Jack Black here. I love Black, but I can't seperate him from his Tenacious D persona. He dosn't seem to inhabit this role, and some moments are a kinda bad. And Peter Jackson should give Andy Serkis his first-born, cause Serkis is the MVP of his films. Serkis was suited up and wired for digitizing, then performed the role of Kong, a la the same thing they did for Gollum in LOtR. It's nothing short of astonishing.

I remember the first time I saw Jurassic Park, and how that was a watershed moment in film. This film may not be as important to the future of film as JP was, but my reaction of, "Holy Shit! I can't believe what I'm seeing!" was about the same. Peter Jackson is the next Steven Spielberg. Write it down.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A

I'm BAAAAAAACK!

This officially marks the end of theSneakyCheetah's self-imposed exile from cyber-space. There's big things going on in my life and lots of big BIG decisions to make for the upcoming year. Add this to a stressfull holiday season and an increased workload at my job, and I just had to step back and simplify my life for a month or so. So this site is back, hopefully with some changes and new ideas, and I'll even start responding to your e-mails again! So let's open the floodgates of communication and have some fun with this!

Snootch to the Nootch!