Note to reader: My inner geekiness will be revealed when I start to talk about Star Wars. I've tried to hide it, but there is one thing that will open the floodgates and let the true nerd out. I happened recently when I put a certain DVD into my DVD player and pressed PLAY......
I am absolutely counting the days until Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith hits theaters. I've read all the message boards and leaks from the production and have pretty much read the entire script. Rather then spoil the movie for me, I will here and now say Revenge of the Sith will be the best Star Wars film ever!
So when this little gem of animation was released last week, I picked it up, not knowing how incredible it is, or how it could possibly increase my longing for "RotS." (Thats Revenge Of The Sith for you non-geeks out there.) When these animated shorts first appeared in 2003 on cartoon network, I just couldn't get into it. Breaking this story into 20 three-minute episodes was stupid. I only saw two episodes then because of work and gigs, and I just didn't get into the flow of this series. All this has been repaired now and the episodes are edited into one 69-minute film (69...aha ha ha ha - Billy Madison).
Some may complain about the animation. I love it. It's different but very stylish, and you have no problems recognizing the characters. It conveys action very well and proves old fashioned 2-D animation can still be relevant in this Pixar world. It really gets good during Anakin's lightsaber battle. WOW! The voices are all done by unknowns (except Anthony Daniels as C-3P0, he must be broke) but they all nail the voices of the original actors.
To help identify the characters I'll mention, I'll link their name to their entry in the official Star Wars Character Database. NOOCH!
The story begins not long after Episode II ends. The Jedi are now Generals in the Army of the Galactic Republic and they lead their clone troops into battle on numerous worlds across the galaxy. We follow Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker leading an army against the Banking Clans (and Obi-Wan wears some cool clone trooper armor into combat!), Kit Fisto and his army liberating Mon Calamari in an undersea battle (who says lightsabers can't work underwater?), and Mace Windu being a total badass and making battledroid chop suey. There also a secret jedi temple where Yoda and Padme Amidala must rescue Lumiara Unduli and Bariss Ofee . We see Count Dooku recruit a new sith apprentice named Asajj Ventress, and her confrontation with Anakin. We're also introduced to Genreal Grievous, who's gonna play a big part in RotS and who kills some lame jedi and whips up on the cooler ones like Ki-Adi-Mundi, Shaak Ti and Aayla Secura.
There isn't much dialog in this picture. It's a war movie. It's filled with combat and action. There are great new revelations, like the ARC troopers, which are like special forces clone troopers, and Durge, a bad-ass bounty hunter who's got the urge to kill Obi-Wan. And you see anakin slip closer to the dark side. There's an incredible scene when Anakin and Asajj are dueling atop the great temple on Yavin IV and Anakin loses his blue lightsaber and grabs one of Asajj's red ones, then it's red on red action and you can't help thinking that the winner of this duel is gonna be the next Dark Lord of the Sith. The space battles rock too. They trounce every space battle in Episdoe I or II.
And they leave you with a cliffhanger, setting up Clone Wars vol. 2 which bagan airing LAST NIGHT on cartoon network. I missed it, but i'm watching tonight (3-27-05) And this time there's gonna be like 5 15-minute episodes. SWEEEET! If you miss them head over to cartoonnetwork.com and you can watch them all online! HOLY SHNIKEES! I cheated and watched them all online already! And in the first new episode, Anakin becomes a full Jedi Knight and C-3PO get his Shiney gold plating! AWWWWW!
I watched the clone wars twice the day after I bought it. I'm about to watch it again. I drool when I watch it and my eyes hurt from not blinking. It's Star Wars. Simple as that.
All that's missing is "fade in: a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A+
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Movie Review - BE COOL
I think I've been watching too many good films lately. I have limited time to watch movies, so I tend to be picky, currently focusing on my lifetime goal to own every film on IMDB's top 250 of all time. So when I got home from work at 1:30 yesterday and discovered my brother-in-law Kal-El was also done working, I said "Hey, let's go see a movie." After scanning the paper, I saw nothing playing that I thought would be very good. He said, "Let's see Be Cool." I said, "OK, I loved Get Shorty, and I heard Elmore Leonard wrote this also, so it can't be too bad." This is the guy that also wrote the novels that became Jackie Brown and Out of Sight. Now I realize why those films rocked and this one is turds. Leonard is a great novelist, but his films aren't taylor-made to be movies. The films mentioned above were all directed by great directors like Quentin Tarantino (btw, IMDB has the gayest headshot of Q.T. ever!) and Steven Soderburgh. Get Shorty was done by Barry Sonnenfeld, who no one would consider great but he's had more hits (Men In Black, Get Shorty, The Addams Family 1 and 2 and the underrated Big Trouble), then misses (Wild Wild West, Men in Black II).
USELESS TRIVIA ALERT!: After some research I discovered Sonnenfeld's route to directing was via cinematography and he's got some damn fine films on his cinematography resume (Raising Arizona, Big, When Harry Met Sally, and Misery).
Be Cool was done by F. Gary Gray who directed one of the all-time great comedies in Friday (but I attribute that to Ice Cube's script and Chris Tucker's performance). Since then Gray's resume has been mediocre(The Negotiator, A Man Apart and The Italian Job). He get's confused performances from everyone including good actors like John Travolta, Uma Thurman, and Harvey Keitel. And he tries to give major parts to musicians with varying degrees of success (Christina Milian gets a B, Andre 3000 gets a C, and ol' Steven Tyler gets a big fat D, and he plays himself!) He has horrible pacing in key scenes, when he cuts back and forth to close ups of whoever's talking. Hey Gary, try pulling back and let your stars (of which this movie is blessed with in abundance) act in a scene together in a wide shot. Sometimes there's so much time in between lines, it's like the actors are waiting for the camera to jump to the next shot before delivering their lines. The script is really weak and I don't know whether or not it's Leonard's fault or scriptwriter Peter Steinfeld who wrote another turd sequel called Analyze That. Let's blame Steinfeld. I almost couldn't sit through Chili Palmer (Travolta) telling Steven Tyler that Sweet Emotion was about his love for his kids. And when Tyler agrees with him and says "Mia and Liv?" (refering to his kids), I almost threw my popcorn at the screen. Sweet Emotion was recorded in 1975 on the album Toys in the Attic, and Mia wasn't born until 1978. Liv was born in 1977 but Steven didn't know she was his until the eighties! What kind of hack writing is this? It's also painful listening to Linda Moon's (Milian) cliched song about never giving up and achieving your dreams, while Palmer and Edie Athens (Uma Thurman) smile and bob their heads. Besides looking oh so hot in a bikini early in the movie and her dance number, Uma does NOTHING. The more clever aspects of the script are just ripped from Get Shorty, like the stupid hybrid car Chili has to rent (a mini-van in Shorty). The good lines from Shorty ("Look at Me" and "What are you gonna say?" "I'm not gonna say anymore then I have to" and "I'm the guy telling you the way it is.") are simply recycled and shamelessly repeated over and over here. I also hate how everytime Sin LaSalle (Cedric the Entertainer) walks into a room followed by his thug rap group (the Dub-MD's), every white guy in the room starts trying to act black and give him high fives and shit. And why'd they decided to shoot for a PG-13 rating. Leonard's dialog has a rythm too it and it contains plenty of F-bombs. It's one of the main reasons Get Shorty's dialog moves at such a good pace. There's guys killing other guys here, tons of rappers and gangsters and nobody drops an F-bomb. LAME WRITING!
While the movie as a whole has a stink all over it, there are a few redeeming aspects. The shear star power helps. Besides Travolta, Thurman, Keitel, Cedric, Milian, Tyler, and Andre 3000, you'll see Danny Devito (the only holdover from Shorty), James Woods (who is horrible and thankfully dies in the first 5 minutes), Vince Vaughn, and the Rock (Dwayne Johnson and he should go by Dwayne Johnson if he wants to be considered an actor. Cedric needs to drop that "the Entertainer" crap too when he's not doing stand-up). If you look quick you'll see cameos by Anna Nicole Smith, Kobe Bryant, Wyclef Jean, Gene Simmons and Fred Durst, not to mention performances by The Black Eyed Peas and Aerosmith. But the most entertaining parts are when Vaughn and the Rock are on screen. Vaughn plays Raji, a way WAY over the top wanna be black pimp, and the Rock is his homosexual wanna be actor turned bodygyard Elliot. They steal the movie with great performances in stereotypical roles, by breathing depth into them (Raji's tough act but total lack of self esteem, Eliot tries to act like a tough bodyguard but more overt homo behavior seeps into his character as the movie progresses). The Rock may really have some acting ability, folks. There are a few good musical performances, like the Blcak Eyed Peas playing to Travolta and Thurman's dance number, Aerosmith's duet with Milian on "Cryin'" and the final Linda Moon video song, which is catchy and should be a hit single for Milian. But these are just a few oasis of watchablility in the forced, unfunny turd of a desert that is Be Cool. Let someone else rent it and borrow it from them.
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: D
USELESS TRIVIA ALERT!: After some research I discovered Sonnenfeld's route to directing was via cinematography and he's got some damn fine films on his cinematography resume (Raising Arizona, Big, When Harry Met Sally, and Misery).
Be Cool was done by F. Gary Gray who directed one of the all-time great comedies in Friday (but I attribute that to Ice Cube's script and Chris Tucker's performance). Since then Gray's resume has been mediocre(The Negotiator, A Man Apart and The Italian Job). He get's confused performances from everyone including good actors like John Travolta, Uma Thurman, and Harvey Keitel. And he tries to give major parts to musicians with varying degrees of success (Christina Milian gets a B, Andre 3000 gets a C, and ol' Steven Tyler gets a big fat D, and he plays himself!) He has horrible pacing in key scenes, when he cuts back and forth to close ups of whoever's talking. Hey Gary, try pulling back and let your stars (of which this movie is blessed with in abundance) act in a scene together in a wide shot. Sometimes there's so much time in between lines, it's like the actors are waiting for the camera to jump to the next shot before delivering their lines. The script is really weak and I don't know whether or not it's Leonard's fault or scriptwriter Peter Steinfeld who wrote another turd sequel called Analyze That. Let's blame Steinfeld. I almost couldn't sit through Chili Palmer (Travolta) telling Steven Tyler that Sweet Emotion was about his love for his kids. And when Tyler agrees with him and says "Mia and Liv?" (refering to his kids), I almost threw my popcorn at the screen. Sweet Emotion was recorded in 1975 on the album Toys in the Attic, and Mia wasn't born until 1978. Liv was born in 1977 but Steven didn't know she was his until the eighties! What kind of hack writing is this? It's also painful listening to Linda Moon's (Milian) cliched song about never giving up and achieving your dreams, while Palmer and Edie Athens (Uma Thurman) smile and bob their heads. Besides looking oh so hot in a bikini early in the movie and her dance number, Uma does NOTHING. The more clever aspects of the script are just ripped from Get Shorty, like the stupid hybrid car Chili has to rent (a mini-van in Shorty). The good lines from Shorty ("Look at Me" and "What are you gonna say?" "I'm not gonna say anymore then I have to" and "I'm the guy telling you the way it is.") are simply recycled and shamelessly repeated over and over here. I also hate how everytime Sin LaSalle (Cedric the Entertainer) walks into a room followed by his thug rap group (the Dub-MD's), every white guy in the room starts trying to act black and give him high fives and shit. And why'd they decided to shoot for a PG-13 rating. Leonard's dialog has a rythm too it and it contains plenty of F-bombs. It's one of the main reasons Get Shorty's dialog moves at such a good pace. There's guys killing other guys here, tons of rappers and gangsters and nobody drops an F-bomb. LAME WRITING!
While the movie as a whole has a stink all over it, there are a few redeeming aspects. The shear star power helps. Besides Travolta, Thurman, Keitel, Cedric, Milian, Tyler, and Andre 3000, you'll see Danny Devito (the only holdover from Shorty), James Woods (who is horrible and thankfully dies in the first 5 minutes), Vince Vaughn, and the Rock (Dwayne Johnson and he should go by Dwayne Johnson if he wants to be considered an actor. Cedric needs to drop that "the Entertainer" crap too when he's not doing stand-up). If you look quick you'll see cameos by Anna Nicole Smith, Kobe Bryant, Wyclef Jean, Gene Simmons and Fred Durst, not to mention performances by The Black Eyed Peas and Aerosmith. But the most entertaining parts are when Vaughn and the Rock are on screen. Vaughn plays Raji, a way WAY over the top wanna be black pimp, and the Rock is his homosexual wanna be actor turned bodygyard Elliot. They steal the movie with great performances in stereotypical roles, by breathing depth into them (Raji's tough act but total lack of self esteem, Eliot tries to act like a tough bodyguard but more overt homo behavior seeps into his character as the movie progresses). The Rock may really have some acting ability, folks. There are a few good musical performances, like the Blcak Eyed Peas playing to Travolta and Thurman's dance number, Aerosmith's duet with Milian on "Cryin'" and the final Linda Moon video song, which is catchy and should be a hit single for Milian. But these are just a few oasis of watchablility in the forced, unfunny turd of a desert that is Be Cool. Let someone else rent it and borrow it from them.
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: D
Monday, March 21, 2005
Fun Website: The Superficial
I don't know how i stumbled on this website, but I find myself checking it everyday. If you like trashy celebrity news, written by a guy who just loathes useless celebrities, and the ocasional sneaky pics of some hotties, go to The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.
More reviews coming soon!
More reviews coming soon!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
DVD Review - NAUSICAA OF THE VALLEY OF THE WIND
I watched a lot of cartoons when I was young. Saturday morning was the highlight of the week for a child of the seventies and eighties. I have vague memories of seeing this animated movie once, about these giant slug-beetle things with lots of eyes, and this girl riding this glider. That's about all I remember, but it's a strong memory that's stayed with me for 20 years, as if to say "This is really good, you should watch this again." Unfortunantly, I couldn't remember the name of this film, so I never saw it again. Then a few weeks ago at Target I was browsing the DVDs and saw it. "Holy SHIT, " I exclaimed! A grandmother covered the ears of a 5-year old and scowled at me. This was the giant slug-beetle thingee. On a DVD called Nausicaa of the valley of the wind. I ran to the checkout, bought it and the next day, sat in front of the Alford's 81 inch home theater and.......WOW!
I'm a casual fan of anime. I enjoy but don't obsess over it like certain customers and employees of BAM. As a kid, Robotech was by far my favorite cartoon series and in college my art major (i.e. stoned) roomate Tim got me to watch some, like Akira and Fists of the North Star. This film is much more appealing and accessable and makes me want to run out and buy the other films by master anime director Hayao Miyazaki.
In an apocalyptic future, small villages try to survive with mininal technology (windmills are their only power source) as a vast toxic jungle creeps across the land. The spore of the jungle are deadly to humans, as are the giant insects that reside in them. Nausicaa is the princess of one of these villages, she enjoys exploring the jungle, talking to the insects and flying around on a glider. Their village is threatened by two other, stronger citites (they actually have airships and tanks) who want to resurrect an ancient fire being to destroy the toxic jungle. The fire guys are the reason Earth was devestated in the first place.
It's an interesting story but what keeps the film pumping is the great characters. Nausicaa is at times flighty and irrelevant but a natural leader to her village and willing to sacrifice all to save it. The voices are perfect, featuring a new English dub done by Disney in 2005. It features Patrick Stewart (Capt. Picaard) as the great swordsman Lord Yupa, Uma Thurman (Kill Bill) as the viscious general Kushana, Mark Hamill (LUKE!!) as the mayor of the opposing city, and Alison Lohman (Big Fish, Matchstick Men) as Nausicaa. All give great performances and are a huge improvement over the English dub from 1984, when the film was released in the US as "Warriors of the Wind," according to people on IMDB.
Some scenes are truly breathtaking. Especially the glider scenes. I'll compare this to another film I liked, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. The flying scenes in Sky Captain were frantic with planes zipping here and zinging there, but mostly it was confusing and at times even nausianting. The scenes of the gliders and airships zipping around in Nausicaa are jaw-dropping. No quick cuts, no confusing fly-bys, but incredible visuals that convey speed and grace. You have to see it to appreciate it.
This was the first animated film from Hayao Miyazaki's animation studio, but later he went on to make such classics as Castle in the Sky, Princess Mononoke, and Acadamy-Award winner Spirited Away (Best Animated Film, 2003), all rate above an 8 at IMDB and the later two are in the top 250 of all-time. I haven't seen any of these, but I'm making it a goal to see them this year. Rent this movie and enjoy seeing something different then you're used to. Expand your film-viewing horizons to some of the best anime ever created. You won't be sorry, and you may get a memory that sticks with you for 20 years.
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A+
I'm a casual fan of anime. I enjoy but don't obsess over it like certain customers and employees of BAM. As a kid, Robotech was by far my favorite cartoon series and in college my art major (i.e. stoned) roomate Tim got me to watch some, like Akira and Fists of the North Star. This film is much more appealing and accessable and makes me want to run out and buy the other films by master anime director Hayao Miyazaki.
In an apocalyptic future, small villages try to survive with mininal technology (windmills are their only power source) as a vast toxic jungle creeps across the land. The spore of the jungle are deadly to humans, as are the giant insects that reside in them. Nausicaa is the princess of one of these villages, she enjoys exploring the jungle, talking to the insects and flying around on a glider. Their village is threatened by two other, stronger citites (they actually have airships and tanks) who want to resurrect an ancient fire being to destroy the toxic jungle. The fire guys are the reason Earth was devestated in the first place.
It's an interesting story but what keeps the film pumping is the great characters. Nausicaa is at times flighty and irrelevant but a natural leader to her village and willing to sacrifice all to save it. The voices are perfect, featuring a new English dub done by Disney in 2005. It features Patrick Stewart (Capt. Picaard) as the great swordsman Lord Yupa, Uma Thurman (Kill Bill) as the viscious general Kushana, Mark Hamill (LUKE!!) as the mayor of the opposing city, and Alison Lohman (Big Fish, Matchstick Men) as Nausicaa. All give great performances and are a huge improvement over the English dub from 1984, when the film was released in the US as "Warriors of the Wind," according to people on IMDB.
Some scenes are truly breathtaking. Especially the glider scenes. I'll compare this to another film I liked, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. The flying scenes in Sky Captain were frantic with planes zipping here and zinging there, but mostly it was confusing and at times even nausianting. The scenes of the gliders and airships zipping around in Nausicaa are jaw-dropping. No quick cuts, no confusing fly-bys, but incredible visuals that convey speed and grace. You have to see it to appreciate it.
This was the first animated film from Hayao Miyazaki's animation studio, but later he went on to make such classics as Castle in the Sky, Princess Mononoke, and Acadamy-Award winner Spirited Away (Best Animated Film, 2003), all rate above an 8 at IMDB and the later two are in the top 250 of all-time. I haven't seen any of these, but I'm making it a goal to see them this year. Rent this movie and enjoy seeing something different then you're used to. Expand your film-viewing horizons to some of the best anime ever created. You won't be sorry, and you may get a memory that sticks with you for 20 years.
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A+
Saturday, March 19, 2005
THE DOMINATOR reviews THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE DVD
Here's our first special guset review from the DOMINATOR on the Spongebob Squarepants movie. He recieved this DVDon his birthday. I will use screennames to protect the identity of all guest reviewers.
OOOOOoooooooOOOOOOHHHHhhh......
who div bin uh paan unduh SEA
Bob Bob Bear Pants
Bob Bob Bear Pants
Bob bob Bear Pants
BOB BOOOBBB
BEAR PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNTSS!
(plays flute on his nose) do do do do, do do, do do
(as the movie ended.....)
Where BobBob?
Where Batrick?
The DOMINATOR's Grade: A
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B
(Did I mention the Dominator just turned 2 years old?)
OOOOOoooooooOOOOOOHHHHhhh......
who div bin uh paan unduh SEA
Bob Bob Bear Pants
Bob Bob Bear Pants
Bob bob Bear Pants
BOB BOOOBBB
BEAR PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNTSS!
(plays flute on his nose) do do do do, do do, do do
(as the movie ended.....)
Where BobBob?
Where Batrick?
The DOMINATOR's Grade: A
The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B
(Did I mention the Dominator just turned 2 years old?)
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
HELP!
I appologize to the few loyal readers of this blog. I haven't posted anything new in a few weeks. You see, I started a new job at WJLA/Newschannel 8, and don't have as much free time at work to fart around and type on a blog. So, I invite all Sneaky Cheetah fans to rise up and become guest contributers! Write some reviews of new movies, DVD releases, CD's, Concerts, Sporting Events, or maybe just a humorous story. I'll even take a Haiku! (But please, no limmericks after St. Patrick's Day). This website needs help. Because of the gargantuan increase in my salary, I will hopefully buy a house in the next month, which will greatly increase my at home down time compared to my current living conditions.
If you chose to contribute, create a catchy screen-name I can attribute the article to. I won't edit it or tell you it sucked, but I may tell you to try harder. Hopefully I will post a review of the lastest DVD i purchased, Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind, within the next few days. Until then remember, DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY!
the sneaky cheetah
If you chose to contribute, create a catchy screen-name I can attribute the article to. I won't edit it or tell you it sucked, but I may tell you to try harder. Hopefully I will post a review of the lastest DVD i purchased, Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind, within the next few days. Until then remember, DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY!
the sneaky cheetah
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