Movie Review - CONSTSANTINE

I snuck out of work early the other day (cheetah style) and went over to Union Station to see what's playing. Not a whole lot. Hitch? Boogeyman? Son of the Mask? Shaaa..right. What a bunch of crap! There was only one film I'd pay money to see, so I threw down my $6 and went see Constantine.
The premise of this movie really intrigues me. Though I was raised catholic, I didn't pay much attention to any of it (until Dogma), so all these movies about God/Satan Heaven/Hell Angels/Demons , Christian Mythology, really entrigues me. Here's the plot. God and Satan have a bet on who can collect the most souls. But they can't directly influence anything, only indirectly. Angels and Demons cannot cross over to this plane of existence. But there are demonic and angelic "half-breeds" that are all around us. John Constantine (Keanu "whoa" Reeves) was born with a gift to see these half-breeds. His family thought he was crazy and had him commited. So he commited suicide. But he was revived. In the two minutes of death he went to hell as all suicides do. It's not a nice place. It looks like that scene from Terminator 2 when the nuke hits L.A. Ever since his "death," Constantine has devoted his life to performing exorcisms and huting down half-breeds, in order to make up for his suicide and enter heaven. But now he's dying from lung cancer (he smokes like 30 cigs a day, cause he's like cool). Enter police detective Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz), who's crazy psychic twin sister just apparently committed suicide. They investigate. Apparently Lucifer's son Mammon is trying to enter earth to rule it. Hijinks ensue. Not really, there's not a lot of laughs here, but wasn't that an interesting story? I thought so.

This is director Francis Lawrence's first directoral effort, and it shows. He relies on cliche "cool" movie shots (Keanu drops his cig, it goes to slo-mo as it hits the floor, spinning cameras shot from overhead as Keanu walks from a car to a house) and has Keanu pop his zippo really loud everytime he lights up, to show us how cool Keanu is. It get's old quick, especially in the first half of the movie when nothing much is going on. BUT, the quality and pacing picks up at the end and I was totally hooked on the last 45 minutes of this movie.

The cast is a mixed bag. Keanu is his usual too cool, whoa, no expression self. Eh, I'm used to it. I've loved Weisz since the Mummy, she's yummy. You see her tummy. It is also yummy. (HEY! did DR. FREAKING SUESS hijack this review!) Supporting players Djimon Housou (Amistad) as Midnite, a neutral witch doctor, Tilda Swinton (The Beach) as the angel Gabriel, and Peter Stormare (Armageddon) as Lou (Lucifer) are all awesome and make this movies so much better. And Bush singer and Mr. Gwen Strefani Gavin Rossdale, as the half demon Balthazaar, steals the show whenever he's onscreen. He is really cool and could have a future as an actor, since that whole Bush thing is going nowhere.

(SUPER INSIDE JOKE WARNING....)
Gavin: "Okay let's play our song, Machine Head!
Former Helmet/new Bush guitarist Chris Traynor:"......starts playing Undone ... dun dun dun....dun dun dun..."
Gavin: ".....NIGEL!!!!!!!!!"
(End Super Inside Joke)

.....sorry bout that.....ok, where were we....

The worst acting goes to unnecessay sidekick/replacement in training Chas (Shia LaBeouf) who brings down the every scene he's in, even his "last" (hehehe...oops...SPOILER ALERT).

The demons and angels look great, as does Hell, and there's no overkill on CG (a-la Van Helsing) As I said earlier, there are slow parts and a lot of explainging, but the last 45 minutes are intense and the payoff is worth it. The cinematography is tired, but there's some good acting to make up for it. I don't see a franchise here, but if they can make a Tomb Raider 2, anything's possible.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B