No Comment on LSU Loss!

I don't feel like talking about this. I stayed up til midnight watching that damn game, then had to leave for work at 3:45 am, and I was not in the best of moods. Then at work, we're showing damn highlights of the shit. I will not Post about LSU losses, only their victories, which they should have at least 8 more! GO TIGERS!

p.s. - If you loyal readers feel the need to vent your rage or grieve, go right ahead with your comments.

Greatest 4th Quarter EVER!

I had been looking forward to this for 9 months. LSU Football. There's something everyone from Louisiana should be doing on Saturday nights in the fall. It involves food, friends, beer, a comfortable living room and the LSU Tigers on TV. Old habits die hard. I broke out my last pack of Louisiana shrimp from the freezer and made a shrimp and sausage gumbo. Even though I really don't drink anymore, I was strangely compelled to buy a six pack of beer Saturday evening. The in-laws came over and after tearing up possibly the best gumbo I've ever made (good smoked sausage not withstanding) we hunkered down to watch the purple and gold play a home game in Tempe, Arizona, a game made all the more poingnent by the events unfolding in Louisiana.
I should have slept for the first three quarters. After getting us all worked up on a ballsy fake punt from their own endzone, LSU proceeded to do zippy. Producing only 7 points in three quarters was baffling. The sun devils couldn't stop the running game. JaMarcus Russell looked great, tossing bullet at the hands of his receivers, most of which were dropped. I was calling for the benching of Early Doucet after three painful drops and a holding call that wiped out a standard Joseph Addai run. Addai's standard is always picking up around 9 yards every time he touches the ball. He's a Horse! The party started to wind down. Guests left in the 3rd quarter, the Dominator and the wife both checked out at the start of the 4th. I was alone in the dark with the Tigers, down 17-7 as they suddenly blocked a field goal and ran it back for 6. Score: ASU 17, LSU 14. If anyone has watched an LSU, UL or Saints game with me, they know I scream while my team breaks open a big play. I was screaming my big ol head off here! 4 minutes later, the Tigers blocked a punt and took it to the house! More scream! Looks like the special teams decided to win this game for themselves. By the way, what's with ASU's stupid punt formation with 3 linemen back by the punter. Great idea retards! I lay down on the sofa as the tigers cheered, LSU 21, ASU 17. Then I fell asleep.
SHIT! I woke up with 5 minutes left on the clock. Both teams had scored touchdowns to make the score LSU 28, ASU 24! DAMMIT!!!! Then my worst fears were confirmed. ASU's Sam Keller hits WR Moey Muntz (wha?!?!) in the endzone to grab the lead, 31-28. By now it's apparent that Nick Saban took his "best damn D in the country" with him to Miami. Keller finished with 461 yards, 35-56 and an Abe Lincoln (four scores). I'm sure LSU now has the worst passing D in football. But never count out the tigers on Saturday night!
Russell and Addai confidently led the tigers down the field, until the drive stalled at the ASU 40 yard line. Too far for a game tieing field goal from squirrelly kicker/third baseman whatever-his-name-is Jackson. 4th and 12. Go for it all! Russell finds Doucet in the endzone!!! TOUCHDOWN TIGERS!!!! (SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM!!) Now we just have to stop the young Dan Marino here before he passes for another 80 yards and a td. And what do you know, we did! The D finally showed up and stuffed Keller and co with some Blitzes and some fine Man-to-Man coverage that has been the trademark of LSU defenses for the last few years!
Russell is for real at QB. So is Joseph Addai at RB, something we've know for 3 years now. The receivers are a question mark but LSU has about 10 of them, so I think we can find the right combination soon. The D was torched, but I attribute that to just how good ASU's pass happy offense is. When they needed the stop, they got it. And the special teams unit truly is special, and not in that Special Ed sort of way.
Next up: Tennessee. Home opener. In Death Vally, under the lights. Louisiana Saturday Night!

Get A PANDA!

Click the link to hear The Panda Song

Sifl and Olly.
ROCK!

SUCKERS!!!!!!!!

nuff said.

August's At-Home Movie Reviews

Before Sunrise (1995)
Before Sunset (2004)

Director: Richard Linklater


Cast: Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy

IMDB:
Sunrise: 7.9
Sunset: 8.3 (112 on Top 250)

Here's a suggestion: Either watch these two movie on two successive nights or watch Before Sunrise and wait nine years before watching Before Sunset. Because that's how long it was between these two gems. Truly independent films with an original concept that are possibly the most romantic films ever made.

The filmmaking concept is this. Before Sunrise: Two strangers (American Guy and French Girl) meet on a train one evening in Vienna, Austria. There's an instant attraction. His plane leaves in the morning. He persuades French Girl to accompany him wandering about the streets of Vienna until morning. They talk. A lot. About everything. And fall in love. The sun rises. He must leave. They vow to meet again in 6 months at the same spot. They don't exchange phone numbers or even last names, just a promise to return.
Before Sunset: Jesse (Hawke) is in Paris promoting his book (about a whirlwind one-night romance in Vienna, wink wink) when he looks over and sees Celine (Delpy) whom he hasn't seen for nine years. They didn't meet six months after Sunrise. His plane leaving in 2 hours, they stroll through Paris discussing life in the past nine years.

You may be thinking "what a boring concept. all they do is walk around and talk." And yes, that is pretty much all that happens. You may not "get it." For everyone that loves these films, there's an equal amount that just couldn't even make it through them. I think they're masterpieces. I've never seen two actors more in tune with their roles and each other. There are shots here that go on for minutes without cut aways as Jesse and Celine go back and forth with conversation, jokes, questions and stories. It never feels forced, they have a natural connection and ease with each other. It's not like watching a movie with these contrived situations that force two people together. There are no situations. Just two people walking around a European city talking. You can see them falling deeply in love with each other all the while knowing they will be separated when the night is over. And the whole time, you're really pulling for them to get together. It'll also make you take stock of your own relationships, past and present.
Before Sunset brings us back to Jesse and Celine and it's addictive wondering what these two characters who were so interesting and enchanting have been doing for 9 years and why they didn't get together. They're more mature and at first restrained, both were obviously hurt by the missed connection 9 years earlier. But they soon realize that they've been given another chance with each other and the film becomes more passionate and equally desperate because they will soon be separated again. It ends in a at first puzzling, but genius ending.
Both were written and directed by one of my newer favorite directors, Richard Linklater, the man responsible for Dazed and Confused (1993) and School of Rock (2003). And Sunset was co-written by Hawke and Delpy, indicating that some of the dialog was improvised by two actors who really knew their characters.

I first saw Before Sunrise alone, and immediately watched it again with my wife. I must say I'm now hopelessly in love with Julie Delpy, just as my wife is with Ethan Hawke. We both agreed if we get a chance to hook up with either of them, we can go for it, and it's ok. These two films are the most realistically honest romantic films I've ever seen. I can't recommend these strongly enough, but don't blame me if you hate them. I also warned you!

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade:
Before Sunrise: A
Before Sunset: A+

Empire of the Sun (1987)

Director: Steven Spielberg

Cast: Christian Bale, John Malkovich, Miranda Richardson, Nigel Havers, Joe Pantoliano,

IMDB: 7.5

Somehow I never saw this film before this month, and it never gets mentioned amoung Spielberg's greats. But it has all the characteristics of classic Spielberg, incredibly accurate sets, stunning cinematography, a fascination with flight, and that classic 40's "feel" that's in all his WWII period pieces (1941, Indiana Jones, Saving Private Ryan). Empire focuses on the British citizens living in Shanghai when Japan invaded. Those dopey Britts ignore all the signs that the shit is about to hit the fan until it happens and they all get shuffeled into prison camps. Christian Bale is Jim, a boy seperated from his family who must figure out how to fend for himself alone in shaghai and then in the camps. Bale is magnificent here, especially considering he was only 12 when he made it. Malkovich is wickedly good as Basie, an oppurtunistic American prisoner who become the most powerful guy in camp, and takes Jim under his wing. Also cool roles for Joey Pants and see if you can spot a young Ben Stiller in the Prison Camp. For the life of me, I don't see how this film gets so little respect now. It got 6 oscar noms in 87, but was shutout when the similar-feeling The Last Emporer won 9 statues. Oh well. Even Spielbeg gets the shaft sometimes.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B+

Rear Window (1954)

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Cast: James Stewart, Grace Kelly, Wendell Corey, Thelma Ritter, Raymond Burr

IMDB: 8.7 (#15 on Top 250)


Continuing my quest to see every film on the IMDB Top 250, I give you Rear Window. Considered by many to be Hitchcock's best film, Rear Window finds the master of suspense at the top of his game. L.B Jeffries (Stewart) is a photographer confined to a wheelchair with a broken leg. He spends his time looking out the rear window of his apartment and observing his neighbors, most of whom don't own curtains. With the exception of a few shots at the end, the entire film is shot from Jeffries apartment. This is how you create suspense and mystery, folks. We only see what Jeffries sees, glimpsing his neighbors as they fleetingly walk by their own windows. When one of his neighbor's wife disappears, Jeffries suspects foul play and enlists aid from his nurse (Ritter), a detective buddy (Corey) and his socialite girlfriend (Kelly) whom he's been trying to break up with. The acting is superb by the immortal James Stewart and Grace Kelly. But especially tasty is the near wordless performances by the neighbors, who all display distinct personalities and habits that draw the viewer into what should be a boring faceless apartment complex. We also see a pre-Perry Mason Raymond Burr as the mysterious Lars Thornhold, and the scene when Thornholds spots Jeffries spying through some binoculars will chill your blood. If you want to expand your classic film education, this is about the best place to start.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: A

Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (2004)

Director: Joe Burlinger, Bruce Sinofsky

Cast: James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, Bob Rock

IMDB: 7.7

A brutally honest film which chronicles the downward spiral of Metallica, once my favorite band. I got hooked on Metallica with the Black Album (1991), but immediately bought their entire discography, and became a true and loyal fan. The 90's made Metallica into international superstars, but at the cost of some weak albums in Load (1996) ReLoad (1998). Then Bassist Jason Newstead quite the band, and here the film starts. Metallica begins the new album with producer Bob Rock standing in on bass. But they're at each others throats, and the sessions suck. Hetfield goes to rehab for 6 months, they get a band therapist, change their writing style, get a new bassist and record the crappiest album of all time. But it's a fascinating documentary about how this all went down. To really see Metallica at the top of their game, rent A Year and a Half in the Life of Metallica (1992) a documentary about the making of the Black Album. Some Kind of Monster has a interesting, yet sad and broken Metallica. It gets really sad when they talk about how great the new stuff is, when in actuality it's more worthless then a handful of poo. Just look at that picture up there. Can you tell which one is the therapist? And I don't mean TheRapist.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B

The Bad News Bears (1976)

Director: Michael Ritchie

Cast: Walter Matthau, Vic Morrow, Tatum O'Neil, Jackie Earle Haley, Chris Barnes

IMDB: 6.8

Watched this for the first time in years to prepare for the Billy-Bob Thorton remake. It struck me that this film really works on two levels. There's the kids movie which any little leaguer will take to heart, about booting grounders, lame dugout chants, and incredible pressure just to get a hit. But there's also a subtle struggle by Buttermaker (Matthau) over alchoholism and anger management. Some scenes here are borderline child abuse that weren't played for a laugh, and I found them little disturbing. Matthau plays it straight and serious and should get more credit for his performance here. But the appeal here is the filthy dialog spilling from the mouths of the kids. It was a different time then and this stuff would never make it into a film now, even an R-rated one. Watch it for nostalgic reasons, then marvel at how much was over your young head last time you saw it!

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: B

Blade: Trinity (2004)

Director: David S. Goyer

Cast: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Dominic Purcell, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Parker Posey, Triple H

IMDB: 5.7

Blade: Trinity is a perfect sequel in the Blade series. It sticks to the formula, doesn't shake things up, and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It IS good for pure vampire-slaying enjoyment, and really, who could ask for anything more. Snipes is back as Blade, which isn't saying much, because you could paint a picture of Blade on a slab of granite and not notice that it wasn't Wesley Snipes. Blade's mentor and buddy Whistler (Kristofferson) dies again like he did in 1 and 2. So if you don't make you character grow or change, you've got to add more supporting characters to carry the film. Enter Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel) and Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds). Biel is hot and that's about all you've gonna get from her. Reynolds does his best Jason Lee impersonation and carries the movie on his back. He's actually very funny and flings out zingers with every line. The gang has a few other friends in their Vampire Killing Club, (including a horribly miscast Natasha Lyonne as a blind computer genius/scientist who thinks it's cool to keep her 8 year old daughter at the Vampire Killer Club hideout), but they all die within minutes of the standard introduction scene. The Vampires (who seem easier then ever to kill) wake up Dracula, the Lord of the Vampires, but they just call him Drake, because Dracula is so, like 1931. The vamps also include wrestler Triple H (Which lamely stands for Hunter Hearst Helmsley, but who's real name is the equally nerdy Paul Michael Levesque), and Parker Posey, who for some reason no matter how bad she looks or bitchy she acts, I still thinks she's sexy as all hell. This movie isn't as horrible as I'm making it sound, but it's not adding much to the Vampire mythos, or even the woeful Superhero film craze.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: C+



Alexander (2004)

Director: Oliver Stone

Cast: Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Plummer

IMDB: 5.5

I really wanted this film to be good. I love a good epic, the cast sounds impressive, and Stone's been making some decent films lately. Unfortunately, This movie is a bigger turd then the Giant Turd-Like Corndog ol' Alexander is about to eat in that picture up there. The entire cast stinks. Farrell is not only not impressive as Alexander, he's a downright panty-waste. It seems Alaxander's whole motivation for his great campagne is that he's emotionally screwed up by his mom and dad. And I don't mind the gay angle they were playing up, because from what I hear Alexander really was a butt pirate. But Farrell turns the greatest conquorer the world has ever know into a whining, momma's boy lil beeyatch. Speaking of momma, Angelina Jolie is as hotty hot as ever, but she lays on this Boris N Natasha accent for some reason I can't figure out. Kilmer is the one bright spot, his maniacal portrayal of Alexander's dad is the best performance in the film. The battles (of which there are only 2 despite the Macedonians conquoring the known world) are confusing, repetative and boring. You do see Rosario Dawson's HUGE titties, so if you get this DVD, go right to chapter 20. you're not missing anything else.

The Sneaky Cheetah's Grade: F